That really pretty much sums it all up. I'm in a weird place, and it's a lonely one.
I hesitate to say that I'm depressed. I don't think that's it really. It's just lonely around here lately. Michael is working nonstop now to make up for all of the not working that happened over the last few months. I'm still trying to find some work to do, and doing what I can from home.
My buddy Cathie is in Phoenix and I guess that's a big part of what's so hard! We have similarly aged kids, and we love one another's kids as our own. I miss that terribly! I think part of the reason that I miss that is that there's this weird thing since mom's gone. There's no one else who thinks my kids are the greatest thing in the world.
There's Michael's mom - but that's not the same to me because we've never had that sort of connection. So having a friend who is just as apt to brag on my kids as her own means a lot. *sigh*
Everyone else who loves me and my kids is wondnerful - they're just busy - as they should be. They have their own families, mostly with older children, and their own lives. It's really that missing mom bit, I think. She'd be here. She'd be playing with the kids. She'd be taking them to the zoo or out for ice cream. And that's all to me now.
It is what it is. I can't sit in a deep, dark place my entire life because I miss mom. I'll never stop missing her, it's just that occasionally I miss her more keenly, and that's been very evident lately.
So there. :-) In other news, Michael's mom has back surgery tomorrow - so we're praying that goes well. I'm crocheting the Tiramisu baby blanket for a baby gift that my sister wants to give to someone and trying to stay busy!!
Me.
3 comments:
(((((((( SB ))))))))))
Sucks.
Yaknow, it's okay to grieve the loss of your mom. That's gonna happen over and over and over again--it's not a one shot deal. It's just not. We get to do that again and again....a part of that honours the impact their presence made in our life--and how much they're missed. It's just a part of the deal.
I still grieve. The Bug really would have gained from having a g'grandmother around, yaknow?
But. We keep moving.
We do the best we can to embrace those things we love about them and pass them on just the same. You're doing fine. It just doesn't always feel 'good'.
((((((((((((( SB ))))))))))))))
Thank you so much, Mel. As always, you hit the nail on the head (even if this head is running around on fire screaming!) :-)
big hugs toyou - i really feel for you and pray for some peace and comfprt for you.
take care and hang in there - the sun will come out again.
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